i want him to notice me
i will feel empty if he doesn’t
i want to be confirmed in my feminine identity
I see your body—BEAUTY!
I want it for myself—CONQUEST!
I want it for me—CONQUER!
Will you have sex with me?
okay
Don’t tell your parents.
okay
I might love you.
okay
I might want to marry you.
okay
I might not.
okay
I might actually already be married.
okay
Will you take this pill so I don’t have to pay…or feel?
okay
Will you let me wear this plastic even though pleasure decreases and irritation increases?
okay
Just to make sure.
okay
I don’t want HIV.
okay
Let’s do it.
okay
Done.
o….kay…
Pregnant?
maybe
Take this and go there.
okay
I am outta here.
It is by knowledge of the genuine conditions of our life that we must draw our strength to live and our reason for acting.
–Simone de Beauvoir, The Ethics of Ambiguity
From the studies of de Beauvoir…
bad faith is surrendering your liberty by surrendering your responsibility, is being static as a thing: I just am who I am, is taking meaning for self from the opinions of others, and objectifying oneself
authenticity is acknowledging freedom and your responsibility to keep it, is acknowledging that you are not a thing but a person who can grow and learn more about self by setting out to know by acknowledging the true conditions of your life and by acknowledging that you don’t yet know what being woman means…
What kind of person do you want to be?
*The poem’s original title was “free prostitution,” but I thought this worked so much better. Let me know what you think…
One final thought as to whether atheists can lead people to Christian thought: I wonder why he couldn’t admit that Madame de Beauvoir could lead people to the Church? I daresay she has led a many a one (Flannery O’Connor, Letters…179).
lamehousewife
I like both titles. For me, the one you chose relates more to the responsibility of the man. Anyway, I love the candidness of the poem.
You think the “living in bad faith” title speaks more to the man’s responsibility? Mmmmm…I was definitely trying to illustrate a lack of concern on the woman’s part for taking care of herself, her automatic “okays” to every request, her over-faith in the systematic approach of someone who just intends to use her. I might need to rethink it then…thank you for your input, Linnea…
I may have the wrong idea about “bad faith.” I see the male speaker as knowingly insincere and the female one as someone who undervalues herself. I know a lot of young women give in to sex because they are seeking love. That’s just my perspective. Perhaps I am too hard on men and too easy on women.
I do think they are equally responsible. Women are responsible for their souls, minds, bodies. As long as they are waiting for another person to define who they are, they are not being truly who they are supposed to be. Men, too, are responsible for themselves. In this scenario, the man gets everything he wants. No questions asked. She has agreed to his really low standard, a free prostitute if we go to my original title. She doesn’t even challenge him. She asks for nothing in return. She lives up to his plan for her. She doesn’t even have a plan.
Now, if at any time, either of them decided to value self enough to not become just a thing, would that make the other person aim to become a person again with them? That is where it gets tricky. Some men in this day and age expect this “easiness” from women, so when women say, “back off,” the man either gets emotionally manipulative or physically abusive. The man in this scenario wants to conquer, so if he doesn’t at first succeed, he will try other ways. Women need to be stronger than ever these days.
Both the man and the woman in this poem are living in bad faith because of their mutual objectification–she has bad faith by wanting him just for his admiration, and he has it because he just wants her for sexual gratification; but the woman seems to be the one who is willing to walk blindly and leap, like her faith wants her to believe her illusion of self is real. Her illusion is based on what he wants her to be. I feel like I am rambling now…Anyway, I do think women need to be a whole lot more responsible for their bodies. They agree to the social standard of free sex without any questions far too frequently. What women are willing to do to their bodies to live according to this standard is to me rather creepy.
I agree with everything you say. I find it so sad. I am blessed that my daughter has more “sense” and a deep love for Jesus.
How did you manage to give that “sense” to your daughter? What were some of the things that you taught her? That is really a blessing! I am really interested since in the education of women, I think this is something that most women have not learned. My sisters who are in their 20′s also have this “sense” and a deep faith. I have noticed that many of the people who are giving themselves for Christ in the priesthood or with their marriages are coming from this generation that is in their 20′s. Whereas I hardly see anyone my age coming back to the Church with holy desires, I see many of this age group beginning to flow in. What is your experience as far as that?
Oh, dear. I can tell you what I did but I can’t tell you what worked. I can say that above all else, I had God’s grace.
I started reading to her every night when she was just a baby, ending with the Lord’s Prayer. When she was old enough, we started reading the Bible. She learned the Lord’s prayer by 5 and she would say it herself until she started praying personal prayers. We went to church. She was in Girl Scouts for several years, the leader is a sweet Christian woman and mother to one of Dana’s best friends to this day. When she was around 12, I took her to the beach for the weekend and we listened to and discussed Dr. Dobson’s tapes on abstinence and I gave her a chastity ring. I put her in a private Christian school from 5th grade till graduation. She played 3 sports a year for 7 years. She joined our church’s youth group and went on a couple missions. On her own, she joined the worship team. Most of her many friends were sincere Christian kids. And although I was abused by her dad, I always “fought” back so she saw both his injustice and my strength. Yes, I do see this quite a bit in Dana’s generation.
So from what I am seeing, you decided to parent her in the opposite direction from what society was doing. You were honest about the truths of chastity, taught her to pray, and provided fellowship with others who would be walking on the same path. Excellent testimony! That I believe is what helped my sisters, too! Thank you so much Linnea for sharing this. It is a testimony to how much you allowed the grace of God to work through you so that He could reach her. God bless…
One other thing that I think is important. I taught her the difference between true, good Christians and false ones. Teaching discernment is important for a strong faith. But like I said, the success was due to the grace of God, yes indeed!
You should have seen us that weekend. She was embarrassed, I was embarrassed, but we laughed a lot.
I agree. Discernment I think is one of the most important things. I hope that my boys will learn this as well.
They will. The have a great momma!
Honest and powerful words, L.
Thank you…
this is why i don’t have a mate in my life, i am waiting for someone who does not want to use me for a moment only
That kind of person is definitely worth waiting for…I am glad that my poem was understood. Your input is very helpful…
Sin cost Jesus. Loss of Faith in Him is a move to various forms of unlove. I like your title. Her poem is a picture of how a soul listens to evil temptations coming from other people. “Anatomy of Temption” may be another good title for this poem.
That’s an interesting suggestion…I also think the faith in the wrong things–the naive leaps to know less–must tie into temptation…going for a lesser good or something like that. Thank you for stopping by, Catholic Glasses…
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