be still, and know that I am here…
a rumble far away
try to ignore
it’s coming anyway
let me clean
let me prepare
i don’t think i am ready
i don’t think i will ever be ready
i will try to sleep
i don’t know if i can do this
you have to
pain in the tendons of this journey
center of wisdom disappears, dark
lightness drops to heavy
opening the core of humanity
rest to apprehend
to prepare for another gahhhhhh!
knowing the pain is coming again
flesh trembles, quakes, teeters
will it be over soon?
riiiippppp! to non-rational thought, feeling, struck to eyes wide open, limbs, muscles, systems immobile, your heart falls on the other side of the floor, forgotten in the rush of
prepared, checked, smiled upon
tobble gargantuan pain, excruciating time ticking
i can’t do it, i can’t do it, i can’t do it
you will be okay, just breathe, I’m right here
there is no such thing as good!
it’s all dark!
it’s all pain!
i can’t feel any good!
it will never be good again!
maybe i need some drugs, maybe just something to numb the pain
calm down, just keep going
thwrush down harder than the force of gravity
splitting, wrenching, into two slabs of being
i see the letter M on blue
it reminds me, a memory to remember—
relief to be a part of the pain, to do something
the dawn begins to break
someone holds your hand, your head, your almost-there
life slides in
a cry of vibrancy!
a breathing child…
life cuddles in your arms
the pain worth the trial again, again, and again…
happy crying begins
courage just to live, embrace, be until
keep helping and letting love win
no matter what